you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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