Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
