They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
This toilet bowl is my home.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
