whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
