i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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