I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
