You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
