It's Friday. Sex?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
