The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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