His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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