getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
