I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
