I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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