I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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