yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
