I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
