So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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