I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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