the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
