hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He had one of those small greek statue penises
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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