dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
