Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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