; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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