see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
