very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
