sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
