A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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