Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
