I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
