I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
