Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
