Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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