Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Are we still banned from the library?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
