yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
zippers are such a cool invention
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
