whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
