we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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