i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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