There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
