So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
