I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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