I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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