walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
