Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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