He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
