it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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