i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
