And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
