I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
