So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
