Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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