I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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