if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
