he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
