Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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