My liver just broke up with me...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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