Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
