Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
