Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
