my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
